Are You Controlled By Your Woman?

“I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as of late… Men that are playing a ‘passive role’ in relationships. Men that are being CONTROLLED and DOMINATED by their girl. I don’t think I need to remind you how The Manly-Man Men feel about passive males, but I’ll remind you anyways. Let’s just say that when we see guys like ‘this’ we tend to put them through a very painless little procedure similar to castration… Well, the hell with all the smooth talk, it is castration and it sure as hell ain’t painless. But we make the laws around here, and we don’t care what anyone Else’s views are on castration of passive males. Anyways. What we want to do now is assure our readers don’t become our victims…

Self assessment time! Are you controlled by your woman? Well you’re about to find out. Take this quick and painless (yes this one really is painless) self assessment, and BE HONEST.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 I think my girlfriends feelings towards me are _____

2. When your girl gets mad at you when you didn’t really do anything to make her mad- you:

(A.) go out of your way to do whatever you to try and “cool her off”.
(B.) go into hiding.
(C.) tell her to go cook something
(D.) stay calm and act as you normally would

3. You’re girlfriend has broken up with you X amount of times and you:

(A.) deserved it every damn time
(B.) took her back more than once
(C.) dated her sister or mom
(D.) realized that she wasn’t good for you and didn’t take her back

4. When I go out in public with my girlfriend she

(A.) acts like she doesn’t know me
(B.) flirts with other guys
(C.) stays close to me and enjoys the company
(D.) …we don’t go out that much. She gets frequent headaches

5. When it comes to getting physical I tend to ‘push’, and she tends to try and keep me at bay

(A.) true
(B.) false

6. I’ve caught my girlfriend cheating

(A.) at least once
(B.) never
(C.) I try to pretend she doesn’t
(D.) haha, is that a joke?

7. My ______ is my best female friend

(A.) mom
(B.) sister
(C.) girlfriend (just a female friend)
(D.) girlfriend (the romantic one)

8. I don’t have a girlfriend because:

(A.) I don’t really feel like getting rejected
(B.) This town is full of tramps
(C.) My mom won’t let me
(D.) I don’t feel like my life is at a point where I’m ready for a relationship
(E.) I’ve got a girlfriend… Ohhh Yeaaaa pimpin’!
(F.) I’m married

9. If a beautiful woman came into my life and was very interested in me, I would:

(A.) make it happen Captain ;)
(B.) be to scared to talk to her
(C.) dude I’m married
(E.) dump my girlfriend for her
(F.) I already told you, I’m not in a situation where I feel a girlfriend would benefit me
(G.) I’m a musician

Honesty Test:
10. On a scale of 1 to 10 my girlfriend controls me this much____

11. Which of these statements is true:

(A.) my girlfriend (or wife) and I have equally dominant roles in the relationship
(B.) she has more control- but I’m OK with that
(C.) in a relationship I’m always the leader
(D.) damn I hate this question

12. Honesty Test
On a scale of 1 to 10 I like my girlfriend this much_____

13. You May Choose Multiple Answers
Which of these is true:

(A.) I call her more than she calls me
(B.) now that I think of it, she makes a lot of excuses to not hang out
(C.) I like to hold her hand and kiss her in public, but she isn’t really that into it
(D.) I pay for EVERYTHING
(E.) none of the above

Ok! That’s it! Check below for the ANSWERS.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 I think my girlfriends feelings towards me are _____
(Answer)
Compare to your answer on number 12. If your feelings are lower than her percieved feelings, then chances are they’re only going to get worse. Oh yea, and you’re probably being a little girly-man in the relationship. Watch out for ‘Big John’ (our head castration dude). LOL very ‘Punny’ * says like an Asian dude *

2. When your girl gets mad at you when you didn’t really do anything to make her mad- you:
Answer: D. If you picked C. then we’d probably get along… Unless you’d say it in a real twaaaangy kind of way- then you’ll just remind us of that little movie known as DELIVERANCE (most over used joke about rednecks ever… And it still ROCKS).

3. You’re girlfriend has broken up with you X amount of times and you:
Answer: D. 
If you answered with C. then you need to be given a pat on the back, because dude- you’re a complete jerk, and we like that (in moderate doses) when it comes to lame girl friends.

4. When I go out in public with my girlfriend she
Answer: C. 
If your life story was A. or D. you’re a moron :) Especially D.

5. When it comes to getting physical I tend to ‘push’, and she tends to try and keep me at bay
Answer: B. Dude! If you answered with A. then you’re flirting with RAPE and that doesn’t stand for theRepublic of African Peace Enforcement… Not really man, we’re just bustin’ your balls… Unless she’s actually PUSHING you off and saying NO. In that case we’ll send you a cake in prison… With a dead hamster in the middle- and you’ll still eat it (until your “buddies” hold you down and desecrate it in front of you)!

6. I’ve caught my girlfriend cheating
Answer: B. 
but preferably D. Can we have a serious moment here? Ok good, that was refreshing.

7. My ______ is my best female friend
Despite the fact that PBR-Mike is screaming at me that the correct answer is A.- it isn’t. The right answer is D. or in some circumstances…. D.

8. I don’t have a girlfriend because:
Answer: E. 
unless you answered D. on this question and F. on the nextEveryone else- You LOSE.
(
Except F.((unless your wife is fat)))

9. If a beautiful woman came into my life and was very interested in me, I would:
Answer: A. 
and F. I expect to see the rest of you after class.

10. On a scale of 1 to 10 my girlfriend controls me this much____
Anyone answering over 3 gets 18 rounds in a ring with The editors of Cracked.com, Rocky and Sid’s creepy as hell toys (from Toy Story).

11. Which of these statements is true:
Answer: C.

12. On a scale of 1 to 10 I like my girlfriend this much_____
Answer: 
compare with question number one. If you noticed that you might like her more than she likes you then it’s a sure sign you need to BACK OFF and keep it ‘cooool’ baby….

13. Which of these is true:
Answer: E.

Whew! Glad that’s over. Now one of two things should happen. You realized you’re a complete loser and you’re in desperate need of The Manly-Man Men, OR you’re A little more Manly than the losers, but you still need help from The Manly-Man Men. Either way, I know I’ll see you again. And if you’re smiling and thinking to yourself “haha no you aren’t! I don’t need you guys and I’m never coming back to this site!”. Then you’re a smug little bitch and you’re going to meet Big John tonight.

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